Forever a small fish in a big pond

Wednesday, 15 April 2020

Come shop with me

While in lockdown, there are many things I have had to do without the support of friends and family around me, Handing in my dissertation was one of them, along with finishing my degree and submitting my final portfolio, but along with all the milestone activities, came the day to day activities too, things that have acted as a reminder of the extent of the card I got dealt.

Take the weekly shop, for example. Something you all do regularly right... well... weekly, I suppose? No big deal, huh, and I'm sure you think this is going to be just another one of those poor student blogs, the ones where youths have a reality check of the demand of adult responsibilities... No, not at all. In fact, I've been glad that not being out of the house 36+ hours a week has meant I now have the time to do such tasks, however, I wish said tasks didn't act as quite the hurdle that they do.

Not understanding?.... Right, I'll show you, but I need you to use your imagination for this one.

We get to the supermarket, I go to pick up a basket... but stop, remembering that in about four isles time that same basket will become too heavy for me to carry, so instead I opt for a trolley... no, not that one! A small one. I can't reach into the bottom of the big ones silly. Right lets go.

Ah, isle one, and already, I can see about four items required that are located above the third shelf. The third shelf and up is the danger zone. Why? Because I can't reach it, now often can't reach equates to can't have. But let's see how confident I'm feeling.

'Excuse me, can you reach this down for me please.... the one on the left, yes that one. Thank you'
Ok, so he was nice, that wasn't too hard, now what do I do about the other three items? I can't ask him again, and oh he's still looking so I better not ask anyone else, right here's a lower down alternative... three times the price? Ah, what the heck just let's leave this isle.

Isle two fine... isle three.... ok I'm getting the hang of this. Oh, wait, no. I spoke too soon.


Or as I like to call it, a cheap alternative to Winter Wonderland. So here's how this theme park works, you can choose one of the 15 cupboards to ask someone to reach you down something. (Because everything is out of reach and we don't want to become a burden or embarrass ourselves) and as regards to the lower down freezers..... see that metal barrier surrounding the bottom, that's the entertainment for today. The type-rope act (alternative), you (being me) must cling onto the freezer for dear life, reaching into any section which still contains 1/2+ of its stock.... (otherwise you have no hope) and do this for the duration of the isle..... ignoring, of course, the stares you're getting in the meantime.

Ok that's done, surely it gets easier from here.

Nope because we're onto an isle. Yup can't reach half of this either. Ok, so no ones around and I don't want to look like a lost puppy, so here's what you do, you seem particularly, almost overly interested in the items, until someone approaches that you can ask, but don't seem too keen! Don't make it look like you've been waiting for someone to rock up (even know we all know you have). Oh people! Ok.... ermmm... no, not him, erm excuse me..... no, not him either, ok she's busy.... he has his handful, he is definitely judging you. You. ok.... erm hi...... blah blah you know how the rest goes, passes the item, thank you, quickly moves on.


Finally, let's get out of here.
Ok, so we can do self-checkout, which limits contact and awkwardness with any more people. However, come to 1/3 into the process; you will however, remember that you can't reach the majority of the screen, which can only read to the next worst thing to awkwardness; embarrassment. Ok, so people it is.

Ok so we addressed the trolley situation earlier, but that doesn't make the transition process any easier. EVERDAY is arm day in ASDA it would appear, and we're trying to ignore the queue of people patiently (but not so patiently) waiting for me to well.... hurry up.

Right, that's the last item.... everything's on..... ah crap... Now I gotta get it back the other end. BEEP,,,,, BEEP..... oh wait, erm excuse me..... erm... ah, she hasn't quite beeped that close enough to me, how long do I wait here with my arm stretched out before she notices. Oh ok she's seen... thanks! Stuff that in there, that in there..... what do you mean eggs go in last? Look, does it look like I want to be in that shop any longer? Ok done.

So that wasn't all bad.... accept that is, I now have three shopping bags which weigh approximately half my body weight, and each could possibly hold me inside them. Man, the walk home is gonna be fun. And let's not even try to think of trying to activate the automatic doors to my flat block.

So that's the shop done!..... Fancy coming along again next week?

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