Life Being Little

Forever a small fish in a big pond

Tuesday, 1 January 2019

What is Dwarfism?

Many people often ask what is Dwarfism? The simple answer is of course... a condition which means a person is of restricted growth. The truth however....

Dwarfism is.... 
-Being 20 years old and still the size of a six year old. 
-Knowing that even when you are 40 years old.. still you will be the size of a 6 year old. 
-Forever trying to come to terms with this 
-Being too small for adult clothes and yet too big for kids clothes.. 
-Never buying new clothes because well... It's impossible. 
-Learning to dodge rucksacks and briefcases when you're on a busy train
-Jumping off the train and hoping you land on the platform that feels 10 miles away

  -Asking, "Excuse me, can you reach this for me" everytime you enter a shop
-Sometimes leaving the shop without what you went in for because today you just don't have it in you to ask
-Flinching every time you hear the words "Mummy why is she small" and praying you hear the answer you want. 
-Learning to hold back the tears when in fact you don't hear an answer and instead watch as a parent pulls their child away from you. 
-Having 101 step stools everywhere possible in your house 

-Wanting to cry when you realise you've gone away and not taken one of those step stools
-Getting to a bar and realising you can't see over it to order your drink 

-Having to embrace the awkwardness that both you and the person serving you feels at this moment 
-Over thinking even the simplest of tasks and routines all based around what will be in your reach
-Training yourself to not need the bathroom when out because most of the time they're out of your reach anyway

-Feeling like a kid in a sweet shop when you discover something you actually can reach!

-Phoning a friend to come over because your parents are out and your dinner is on the top shelf in the fridge 
-Saying "It's ok I'll stand", When someone offers you a seat when in reality you daren't even attempt to climb onto it in public
-Realising you forgot to ask your Mum for something before she left the house and accepting you now have to go the whole day without it.
-Wondering if, I couldn't reach it, beats the my dog ate it, excuse
-Feeling like a burden when you have to ask for help with almost everything!!
-Being grateful for the friends who put up with helping you with everything!

-Escaping to the toilet in the middle of a 10 hour shift because everything hurts.
-Not knowing why everything hurts. 
-Not being able to explain why you hurt, You just hurt. 
-Trying to make baggy clothes look fashionable 
-Failing at this. 
-Hearing the word freak, weirdo, or loser on a daily basis. 
-Having to pretend like you didn't hear it 
-Having to pretend that it doesn't hurt. 
-Doubting yourself and your ability to carry out even the simplest of tasks
-Calling everything small after you because.. well... it's just what you do!😂

-Getting home from an awful day and then crying.......because you can't reach the light switch 
-Sleepless nights as you pay the price for every single move you made that day

-Going to work the next day and no one knowing of the pain from the night before
-Asking "They know the situation right?" Before you meet anyone new  because you daren't walk into a room and watch everyone's jaws drop... 
-Being afraid of a change of routine because it's taken you 6 months to adapt to managing this one
-Being jealous of your tall friends 

-Wishing you were your tall friends 
-Not really knowing how to explain any of this to your tall friends 
-Keeping your feelings hidden because crying over a light switch isn't really seen as the norm
-Wondering if anyone really understands 
-Worrying that people won't understand 
-Feeling like every hair has to be in place to make up for your obvious flaws
-Not giving a dam what you look like because let's face it... they'll laugh at you anyway
-Feeling both of these feelings at once. 
-Not really knowing how you're feeling
-Being Positive about everything 
-Wishing you didn't have to be 
-Being angry, but knowing it won't change 
-Being upset, but knowing it won't change 
-Forever imagining your life if you weren't small
-Wishing it would go away
-Wishing you were normal
-Accepting that THIS is YOUR normal

And not wanting to change any of it for the world.


Monday, 31 December 2018

2018. A year in the life....

2018... what a whirlwind! Some of the lowest lows but also the highest highs. This year has been jam packed with changes and challenges.. smiles and tears with some pain, but above all it's been packed with the most amazing memories.

From travelling around Belgium with university... celebrating another positively unique year with Little People UK.. dancing the carnival procession dressed as a pirate... producing a show!!! Two dance competitions, my first solo holiday, I hosted my first ever dwarfism social and spent my first Christmas away from home.. I achieved a first at university! Finished my first year and am now almost half way through my second. I started my third year as a Youth Worker, and my second as a Nursery Practitioner, I've laughed a lot! But have also shed tears as my body took me on an emotional roller coaster. It's fair to say that this year has definitely taught me a lot. But above everything it's taught me that whatever life throws at you, whatever challenges you face.... nothing is impossible, not even producing a show! 

It's a big and sometimes scary world out there.... but I share mine with the best people! And with all the tears and worries that this year has shown... I wouldn't have changed it for the world. 2018. You've been life changing. Now 2019... what have you got in store?😍😍

Tuesday, 18 December 2018

MY FIRST SOCIAL- New friends, New memories

Growing up, I didn't have any contact or interaction with other little people, being born into an average height family, it wasn't until the age of 10 that I really started to realise that actually there were other people like me. Then at the age of 13 my world was transformed when our life with Little People UK began. Ever since we joined LPUK, I knew that I wanted to help to bring people together. My family did a fab job in bringing me up, and I wouldn't say my childhood was hard, however It would've been a dam lot easier if I had known someone else like me. It doesn't matter how many people you have around you, sometimes when you're different, it's lonely. It's also scary.

As a child approaching my teenage years, I'd come home from school, lock myself in my room and sob. It felt as if no one understood, how could they. I was small. They weren't. So when we found support in Little People UK, I knew that one day I wanted to give back, and bring the same joy that I had been given, to other people like me.

Being a full time, working university student, means that weekends are usually spent under a textbook or behind a coffee bar trying to pay off student loans! However as Christmas approached us, in my mind there was no better time than to bring people together. As a child I loved spending Christmas weekends in Cribs Causeway, the magic of the environment, the activities, music, food and not to mention the endless shopping, I have so many memories, so what a perfect place to create some more!

But it was all very well, organising a day out.... I knew I could do that, no question. The biggest question, was would anyone come? To my relief they did.

I am so grateful to all the families that made the journey to join me and my family in Bristol for the day. I was amazed with how far some had travelled just to be a part of our day. It was so wonderful to spend time with friends before the Christmas holiday, but even more so to meet so many new friends who I hope now feel a part of our extended family.

Surreal probably doesn't even come close. 7 years ago, I was introduced into the little people community, and on this day I was the one to do that for someone else. When I sit back and think about it, it feels almost as if I now life a different life to the one I knew then. Gone are the days I lock myself in my room, gone are the attempts to bunk school, gone are the days I look in the mirror with pure dread and shame. 

Instead, I'm proud. Proud to be part of such a wonderful community, and even prouder to be able to share this community with so many other people. Being able to meet so many people, hear their experiences whilst sharing my own, was a feeling I will treasure for a long long time. 

Living with Dwarfism isn't easy. But It's made easier when you get to share it with the most beautiful people. I was truly overwhelmed with the love and joy we got to share on this day.... Hearing so many inspiring and positive stories, whilst also making them too. This fantastic group of people are made of tough stuff! And I am so excited I can now witness what the future holds for us all!❤️

ARE YOU AFFECTED BY DWARFISM? DO YOU WANT TO MEET NEW PEOPLE? DO YOU WANT US TO COME AND EXPLORE WHERE YOU LIVE? I would love to hear from you! Visit my new "Life Being Little Socials" page on my blog, and you can contact me with any enquires. 

Sunday, 11 November 2018


Cakes, musicals and a load of secrets.... This was so much fun to film! This filming malarkey for me has been at times struggle, but I am determined to overcome it so I decided to bring you all along on what was a very exciting (and emotional!) few days.

Anyone who knows me, knows that dance is my biggest passion and love in life... It's where I feel most happy, most safe and above everything it's where I feel most myself. I love the journey dance has taken me on, the confidence I've gained, the opportunities I've had but above everything I love the people I get to share it with.

It goes without saying, our dance teacher is one in a million... The most selfless person I know who has done so much for me in helping me gain back the confidence and the passion that today's society took away from me. When I first met Anne-Marie, I remember thinking that she was the first person I felt had ever saw me for me. She didn't see someone with dwarfism, but instead someone who dreamed of dancing again. This week I got to repay her for making my dream come true.

This is so different to my other videos and posts, but for me is what real awareness is all about. Showing you that actually I'm no different to you. I have hopes, dreams, fears just like you... I have passions I have challenges.... And I have the best friends who I get to share it all with.

So here you go, two friends, embarking on crazy adventures talking rubbish, making a fool out of themselves and having the best time... All whilst surprising someone very special in our world❤️


Friday, 19 October 2018

England. You've got some catching up to do

My biggest fear of travelling abroad, was not the airport madness, or the fear of getting lost, the unknown language or their weird and wacky foods, none of that really crossed my mind.... I knew I could handle Greece, but I didn't quite know how Greece could handle me.

When you have a disability, or a physical difference walking into a new culture is often daunting, and at times can be risky. For countries with historic cultures, often people who are different can be seen to be something they aren't, for example some people see little people as a lucky charm (don't get your hopes up guys, I've tried it, it doesn't work!😉) Coming away with that fear was huge... dealing with conflict surrounded by my home comforts is one thing, but the risk of doing so 1600 miles from home.... I didn't know if I could. 

But I can honestly say I am blown away. Sidari you've been so lovely. More than lovely. Today marks 5 days we've spent out here.... and I can say I've not had 1 negative encounter. Not 1. 5 days!! 5 whole days!! From reaching things off high shelves, to carrying my food back to the table, helping with suitcases, helping in public transport.... to just a simple smile. Sidari, you've won my heart. But as happy as life may feel right now... there's an element that's bittersweet.

 1600 miles. That's how far I had to travel in order to get a week, a week where no one stares. A week where no one shouts names. 1600 miles just to feel accepted. The name calling, the stares... I'm used to it. It's part of life and I know it always will be. But the last five days have been a taster, a taste to what life would be like if society was just a little more kind. It breaks my heart, and behind closed doors it tears my confidence in two because I know for a fact society doesn't accept me. Society doesn't accept difference. It fears it, more than I even feared coming here. But it doesn't have to be that way. One kind word. One kind gesture. That's all it takes, and if you can't say something kind.... Well then don't say anything at all.

 It's 2018. Stigmas. Stereotypes. F*** them. Get over it.... Sidari has.... England, we got some catching up to do❤️

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