Forever a small fish in a big pond

Wednesday, 11 March 2020

To the girl who’s moving away.... the things I wish I heard someone say.




To the girl who’s moving away...... (The things I wish I heard someone say.)

This is your story now. Every day will be new to anything you’ve known before. And for sure every day will be different alright! Some days you’re gonna feel independent, strong and loved and other days you’ll feel forgotten and confused!

Nobody’s told you how emotionally and physically hard this process is, even though nobody is telling you it’s easy either. Everyone is so excited for you. You’re being reminded constantly how this is such a big decision, and you made it. But that doesn’t make the pain any less. You choosing to walk away doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to cry when you leave. 

The phone calls, texts, Facebook posts, and FaceTime calls... they can only do so much on the days you’ll need advice, the days you crave a hug, or you just need someone to vent to. You’ll miss their smell. Their voice. Some days you’ll worry that you’re forgetting all of that.... and on the days they don’t call, you’ll wonder if perhaps they’re living happily without you. Perhaps that they’re forgetting too.

All the birthdays, and holidays you miss, and the photos you follow that you aren’t in... you may click, but inside you’ll resent them. You’ll look at it over and over. Imagining how different the picture could be if you were in it too. Imagining how different the bigger picture would be too.... if only you were there... Some days you’ll wish you could drop everything and go back. And others you’ll wish they’d come to you. You’ll wish you could just run home, you’ll wish you could hug your best friend, your family... even your dog, but that this time you’ll have no time limit to how long it can last. You wish your mum would lecture you time after time again about the things you once moaned about.... and that your friends would have a sleepover with you... or even just sit in silence over a coffee... because it wouldn’t matter what you did..... Just that you were just present.



That you were back.


But the hard thing about all of this is there is no going back. You’re there now... There to grow, there to provide for yourself and your future. It’s your job now.... to remember all those moments and cherish them as much as you can, and never take any moment for granted when you get to do any of those things again. It’s a rollercoaster but one that will turn your life upside down for the better.... first you just have to cling on for the ride.

Some days you’ll be in your bathroom breaking down, and other days you’ll miss the phone calls from home as you’re so busy embracing life. One day can feel so different from the next. One hour even. It can be anything... the smell of a sweatshirt, a song on the radio... the photos you find as you’re clearing out your bottom drawer. It’s ok. Ok to feel the feelings. And ok for them to change. There’s no deadline. No point where they’re no longer allowed. No one expects you to switch off and forget. You may be fine for months- and then a tear will fall when you least expect it. Allow it. With no explanation. No one thinks less of you for missing the comfort of your own bed even if you haven’t been back to visit for weeks. It comes in waves. And the painful thing is that you can’t stop them. But you can ride them. And you will.

But as you do remember why. Remember why you packed your bag in the first place. And all those who were excited for you.... and still are! Remember that they didn’t leave you, they didn’t forget you. They’ll always be there. As happy when you’re back as you are. They have to get on with their lives as much as you do yours but it’s ok. Ok for you all to be happy in different places. But ok that sometimes you feel sad about that too.


It’s okay to miss home,

Home misses you 
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