Forever a small fish in a big pond

Saturday, 31 March 2018

Finding out I wasn't alone...

Up until I was 13 years old I was the only little person in my world, I was born to average height parents and was the first one in my family to develop the condition, so yeah, it was just me. I was the only one. By the age of 6 all my friends began to tower over me. I remember coming home and asking the question, the question my mum had been dreading- Why?

It was hard to understand at first but as I got older my understanding grew but my ability to deal with it didn't. I was very lucky to have such amazing friends throughout my school years, who stuck by me through some of my toughest times- and honestly I don't know where I'd be without them, but after I started secondary school the reality of being the small one soon kicked it, and it was becoming harder to deal as each week passed. I had so many questions, hormones had hit and I was starting to question my future. Getting a job, learning to drive, going to college, starting a family... all the things that every teenage girl dreams of- I didn't know if these things would even be possible for me.

When I hit 13, I began to stop talking about these things, or about my feelings, or about well anything... I wasn't sure that any one really understood, It was hard, when so many people are trying to help you and trying to tell you what they think you wanna hear but really all that's going through your mind is "you'll never know""you'll never know what it's like" and I was right they wouldn't. I had so many people around me who loved and adored me and had only my best interests at heart- but still when they told me it would be ok, they couldn't be sure.

Turning up to my first Little People UK meeting, I remember walking in (after sat in the car crying for half an hour, filled with doubt, fear and anxiety) seeing other little people, it was a feeling I will never be able to put into words... As the weekend went on, I slowly started to talk to other people like me, people of similar ages, people older, younger, people from all walks of life... who all knew what it was like to be me. I met women who had gone onto become Mothers, I met teenagers who like me were meeting other little people for the first time, I met people who could drive, people who were studying in some of the top colleges in the country.... It was then I realised I wasn't the only one. And that in fact all those things I dreamt of, all those things my friends aspired to be... They were all possible for me to.

Six years down the line and I'm lucky to still be surrounded by amazing friends, both small and tall... and I love them equally. Some people often think that the friendships I hold with those who share my condition are stronger than those I hold with those who don't- this isn't the case. Some of the most special people in my world are over double my height, but yes, my little family will always hold a special piece of my heart. Because on the days where it all gets too much, and you're crying because you can't reach a light switch for example or because no dress in the shop seems to fit- sometimes you need someone who can say, i know how you feel. Sometimes when you're sat in the medical room listening to some stranger throw a load of long words at you, most of which you have to google, you need someone who can say it's going to get better.... When you're doubting how the hell you are supposed to grow up in a world that's not built for you and you feel like the simplest of tasks are almost impossible... you just need someone who can say i got through it, and so will you.

You aren't the only one.


Dwarfism- THE FACTS

If you can spare 1 minute today please use it to watch this video, then if you can spare another minute use it to share it with your friends and help spread Dwarfism awareness #EducationIsEverything

#E💜  xxxs

Friday, 2 March 2018

Dear Dwarfism... a letter to my condition

Dear Dwarfism.... 

You test me everyday. You reduce me to tears, fill me with anger, make me weak, make me tired...It's not fair you know... how hard you make somethings. Even the simplest of things. Why is it all my friends do things with such ease... yet you burden me with such struggle and pain. Why me? Why not them?

I know, I know it would be easier... easier if I took things slower, if I didn't challenge myself to have the lifestyle that I do. If I took a step back and listened to everyone who tells me i'm incapable... if I listened to the advice of doctors who have told me I can't live a normal life. 

But why. Why should I? Because I was given a body I didn't ask for?....What life gave me was out of my control, but what I do with it won't be. 

Dwarfism, at times I've struggled to accept you. I've felt bitter in coping with the challenges you've thrown at me... but I'm ready now. To start again. To get back up and finish what I started. So come on, give it all you've got.......push me... I'll push harder. Break me.... I'll build myself to be stronger... throw me into the storm and I'll learn to dance in the rain.

You will forever be a part of me... but you will never define me.


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