Forever a small fish in a big pond

Sunday 1 December 2019

"We need to get you to the hospital"......

As my first Christmas in Newport approached, I imagined it being full of many views..... however, this was never supposed to be one of them. 

'We need to get you to the hospital' A sentence I've heard many times before, but never like this, never here. The machines, the jargon, the scans... I'd done it all before. But this time, I had to do it 50 miles away from home, in a city I'm still learning to know.

Since I've been studying at University, my medical life has certainly enhanced... countless hospital visits, 13 infections, 5 injections, and 4 new medical diagnoses, yet not many of those things scared me, not really. All of those things. They were just part of the package. Something which despite bringing many challenges, didn't phase me nor bother me to an extent; as I had yet to know life without them, I had always been on this path, always juggled everyday life with the medical jargon in-between. It was my norm, something I did most of the time with ease..... but this time didn't come with ease.... this time wasn't something I was used to having to do...... because this time ..... I had to do it 50 miles away from home, in a city I’m still learning to know. This time I was scared. 

And I was even more scared, as I knew. I knew something was wrong. On previous events, I would usually cover it up, play it off... I'm fine, it's nothing... building myself a wall of self-belief that this isn't really the card I've been dealt and in fact, my body is as resilient or as tough as any other. But no not this time. I knew something was wrong. Before anyone else even noticed. I knew instantly, that life was about to throw a cannonball. Tears streamed down my face. There was no hiding it this time. I was overwhelmed with pain, but also with fear, fear of the uncertainty, and not having any idea what was going to come next. I had planned to do many things this Christmas, but falling from the top of 12 concrete steps, landing at the bottom, was never on my agenda. I was just recovering! Just getting over an already difficult year, shaking off the effects of previous medical encounters; This was not what I needed. But at least last time, I was in home territory, I had the comforts of my home grounds around me. On this day, I had none of the sort. 

On this day I had to learn to stand on my own.

but this day also taught me so much more than that.

Today taught me to appreciate the people around you, it’s taught me to always be kind because there’s a lot of people around us who are fighting a battle of some sort.... and it’s taught me that sometimes life throws you hurdles, no warning, no reason... no preparation... so appreciate what you have, and even more than that, appreciate who you have!After a very long day, I’m home with nothing more than some cuts, bruises, and a small fracture to the spine. Some may say that’s bad, but..... I know full well... it could’ve been so much worse. So I could be mad, I could be upset, I could be frustrated, but instead... I’m grateful. Grateful to be home. Grateful for the doctors who looked after me and grateful to my colleagues and tutors who stayed by my side... Newport, you were strong for me today... now time to get my own strength back.


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