Forever a small fish in a big pond

Tuesday 6 February 2018

Bullying..... It happens.... It hurts

Bullying affects on average 1 in 4 kids throughout school years, but 60% of them fail to seek support. 

I was in the 60%

September 2010.... the start of my secondary school journey, a time that I got told would be the happiest years of my life, the start of a new chapter.....Everyone told me I was ready. Everyone told me I'd always remember secondary school..... but what they failed to mention was that it would be for all the wrong reasons.

A milestone that was meant to be the start of a new life, resulted in me praying for a new life. Everyday. Every day I'd come home, slam the door. And hide. Every day I prayed. Prayed for it to stop. Prayed for someone to take it away. They say sticks and stones break your bones.... but it was their words that destroyed me.

The majority of my school memories take place in one room. I remember it clear as day, a red table with three blue chairs evenly surrounding it. It had pale yellow walls, I remember as I sat there staring at them for hours each day.... in my head, I remember it as if I sat there alone. In fact there were lots of people there too, people all offering their help. But how could they help? They didn't understand. They didn't know. I convinced myself it would go away, that I could deal with it on my own..... 

I lost count of how many times I told myself to rise above them. How many times I told myself to be the bigger person.... but how could I be, they kicked me so low, made me so weak, what chance did I have. Each morning I'd try and find a different excuse.... my head hurts.... I feel sick.... technically it wasn't an excuse... I did feel sick. Everyday. Every day I had to face those corridors. Every day I heard the same words over...

But fast forward through three years, I made a decision. A decision that would change my life. A decision that I would change my life! I decided I didn't want to let them win. I decided to talk. They had taken so much, my grades, my attendance, my confidence but they hadn't won, I thought they had, for many years I thought they had.... but there was still fight to be fought. 

Some days the smile was a little more fake than others but still, I got through... with the right people on my side, my attendance increased, my grades improved. My confidence grew. I spent less time in the small room. More time in the corridors.... the corridors that I thought had destroyed me. The corridors that in fact shaped me.

Bullying. It happens. It hurts. But it doesn't mean the end...

I left school with 8 GCSEs. I finished college with a level 3 diploma. 7 years on..... now a university student, a youth worker, a nursery practitioner, a dancer...... THESE are the real happiest days of my life... I survived. So can you 💚

It happens. 
It hurts. 
It needs to be spoken about.

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