Dear Dwarfism... a letter to my condition

Dear Dwarfism.... 

You test me every day. You reduce me to tears, fill me with anger, make me weak, make me tired...It's not fair you know... how hard you make somethings. Even the simplest of things. Why is it all my friends do things with such ease... yet you burden me with such struggle and pain. Why me? Why not them?

I was a little girl in a very big city!

One promise I made to myself when I first started University was that I would take every opportunity I was given. Considering the journey, I have taken to get to this point- I want to embrace it. However, when an opportunity arose to travel 350 miles across the world and experience life in Belgium for a week, I was tempted to break my promise. 4 months into Uni life, I was still faced with the weekly battle of commute, the traveling still hurt, the train journeys still daunted me, life away from home even for a couple of days a week still filled me with anxiety- so how on earth was I to prepare myself for such a trip?

Body confidence

People seem to think that because I accept my body it means I'm body confident. Everyone always comments on how brave I am. How strong. But I'm not. I accept my size. I accept that I will always be small, but that's it. I accept it yes, but confident? I don't think so. 

I've been a dancer for 16 months now and I still remember it clearly.... the first day I walked into the studio, the studio that was ceiling to floor in mirrors. I could barely even look. Every time I did I felt sick. And there wasn't a makeup product to fix it.

Bullying..... It happens.... It hurts

Bullying affects on average 1 in 4 kids throughout school years, but 60% of them fail to seek support. 

I was in the 60%

September 2010.... the start of my secondary school journey, a time that I got told would be the happiest years of my life, the start of a new chapter.....Everyone told me I was ready. Everyone told me I'd always remember secondary school..... but what they failed to mention was that it would be for all the wrong reasons.

A milestone that was meant to be the start of a new life, resulted in me praying for a new life. Everyday. Every day I'd come home, slam the door. And hide. Every day I prayed. Prayed for it to stop. Prayed for someone to take it away. They say sticks and stones break your bones.... but it was their words that destroyed me.

To the parent who pulled their child away from me....

To the parent who just pulled their child away...

No need to hush them, I already heard them ask you "what's wrong with that girl". I already saw them stare and I've already seen you pull them away in embarrassment. You hope I don't hear you, but I do, you hope I don't see you but I do... You're worrying I'll think badly of your parenting for having a child intrigued in my difference... I won't. You worry that I'll remember you, that I'll remember what you told them as you pulled them away from me, I won't..... However, your child will.