No one tells you about the little things.....

When people talk about the challenges of being small, there are things that are obvious- the not being able to reach the top shelf, or not being able to walk into a shop and try on any pair of jeans. Everyone knows about that. I always knew about that. From an early age, my size was spoken about, even though the years I chose not to speak about it, I still knew, I knew things weren't going to be as straight forward as some of the people around me... I knew there were big things I needed to overcome.... but no one ever told me about the little things.

Some days it sucks.

I'm a true believer in everything happening for a reason and that people are only dealt with what they have the strength and ability to overcome. Therefore, I try really hard to not moan, or complain about my hurdles, because I don't believe they are any harder or harsher than those faced, by anyone else... they are just different. 

That being said. Some days?

It sucks.

And no motivational saying or uplifting statement, can take away that feeling.

Some days it just frickin sucks. 

Being starred at on the street by strangers- sucks.

Not finding clothes to fit- sucks.

The aches and pains- Suck.

The hours sat in a doctors surgery. Suck.

BEING SMALL SUCKS. 

They don't like you..... But they'll be checking your page religiously.

Building my blog has been a blessing in many ways, it has amazed me how far some of my posts have stretched and how many people have taken the time to read my stories, in that sense, it has made me feel proud, proud that my stories, my writing, has played a part in spreading awareness, even if only in a small way. It's also been responsible for giving me the opportunity to meet some wonderful people. In December 2018 I held my first Bristol Dwarfism Social, I met some amazing individuals who had all learned about me through my blog. My blog brought that group of people together. My blog was responsible for the friendships made. It was responsible for people realising they weren't on their own.. as crazy as it seems.. my blog, changed lives.

It most certainly changed mine. Sometimes things are easier to put in writing. Sometimes when my voice shakes, my keyboard does the talking for me. It's been something that has developed my confidence massively, the response I have received, the love, support, messages of encouragement. The messages saying "Thank you", the messages saying I had made a "Difference" to someone's life. That's something I never imagined was possible when I first started writing.

I never imaged the happiness my blog would bring, but likewise, I never could've dreamt of the sadness that came with it.

Moving out

"Moving out"

Well, that's certainly two words I didn't think I would say... Not yet anyway, not now... and most certainly not as a university student. Growing up, the world was a scary place. And as a schoolgirl, home was the only place I felt safe. The streets were full of bitterness, the school corridors filled with bullies... I never wanted to leave home on the weekend, not even for 10 minutes. So how is it possible for me to leave for 10 months?

Easy, doesn't always mean happy

University is something that many people dream of, but for me, it never really felt like a path I was ever going to walk. Since transitioning to secondary school in 2015 and having my whole world turned upside down... I guess part of me has just eliminated the thought of ever experiencing another big change. But life has funny ways of working out, and after falling in love with an industry I never pictured myself in- I realised that maybe university was the way forward.

I'd like to think that since leaving secondary school and moving away from the challenges and difficulties that it faced me with, that I'd grown to be stronger, mature and even a little more resilient, but that still didn't take away the daunting feeling I was filled with during my application process. I remember my first open day- all my friends were the first to check out the bars, the clubs, the halls.... my attention, however, was on the simpler things, libraries, classrooms, canteens... now don't be fooled, I'm not that much of a geek! I mean I was interested in all that of course, but I wasn't really paying attention to any of the academic stuff, instead, my mind focused on door handles, light switches.... how many stairs each block had... how far each classroom was from the next... I wanted to enjoy the process. I wanted to enjoy becoming a fresher and experiencing all things uni life would have in store for me, but I knew what uni life had in store would be a much bigger test than any exam I could ever sit.